Sometimes its hardest for the women

Whenever something happens, I think it tends to be hardest on the women. I don't mean to sound sexist, and I'm not discounting men in any way shape or form. Just follow me for a bit.

Women are brought up to be nurturing, caretakers, Mothers, et al. When someone you care about has a bad day, you try to cheer them up. If things are bad, maybe its a special meal that brings comfort or watching a movie together. If someone is sad, you try to find a good joke to cheer them up or just listen and lend support. Whatever the ailment is, women try to find the solution to help make things better. But when there is nothing that you can do, that's when I think its hardest for the women. Its hard to let go of the fact that you can't "help make it better". You can't be the caretaker, you can't make it stop and you can't make it okay. Thats when it truly hurts, right in your heart and even in your soul.

To everyone that had the chance to attend the reunion last weekend, and those familiar with this blog, you've heard me talk about (or got to meet) my Darling Hubby. He's such a wonderful person. He's one of those people who just fills a room with his presence. He's energetic, will make you laugh, give you a shoulder to cry on if you need it...he just fits the phrase, "Good People". And he is. And I love him more than the dictionary has words. He is my heart and my soul and my other half, better half of me.

In 1999 (before we met) my Darling Hubby had been sick for a bit but didn't go to a doctor. A friend of his finally took him and made him go. It truly saved his life. He was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. (Full technical description, small and large cleve cell follicular lymphoma.) He was diagnosed at Stage IV. He was immediately admitted to the hospital and underwent CHOP therapy (an extremely strong chemotherapy course) for 6 weeks. After completing CHOP, all of his symptoms returned within 2 weeks...as if he'd never done anything. They tested his bone marrow and told him that he needed to have a Bone Marrow Transplant. He said no. He decided that he would live out his time his way. That's how Darling Hubby came to Florida. He wanted to be near the water again, like in his youth.

Cut to today. Darling Hubby and I have been fortunate that the large cleve cancer had resolved itself and went away. (Even our oncologist couldn't explain it, other than to say he was truly blessed. And I know he is.) The small cell lymphoma can be very tough and just a bugger. It went dormant and with occasional Rituxin chemo (very mild and no side effects of being harmful to a body) we kept things in check. In 2003 we had the opportunity to participate in an FDA study on Bexxar. A new one time radioimmunotherapy treatment for non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. DH was a perfect candidate. So the day before Thanksgiving, we underwent our new adventure in the hopes of getting "remission". DH being the unique person that he is, processed all of the treatment in 5 weeks. No one else had the treatment move through their body completely like that...what can I say, he's unique!

Anyways, Bexxar didn't work and the small cell lymphoma became more active. We went through a couple of stronger chemo treatments (DH would do chemo and then be back to work). But increasingly our window was closing. The only course left was a bone marrow or stem cell transplant. We were referred to the H. Lee Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa. That's where we met our team. DH was a great candidate and it was agreed that they felt they would get the best results from a Stem Cell transplant. The first step was to find a donor.

DH is the oldest of 5. His brother and sister immediately behind him were excluded from testing due to medical issues. That left the 2 youngest boys, 23 and 21 respectively. B was a 9 out of 10 match for DH. C was a 10 out of 10. On a cellular level, DH and C are the same person. We got extremely fortunate and God heard all of the prayers that have been said. We were later told its a less than 1 in 4 chance of matching a sibling. Again, thank you God.

We had our donor. Next we had to get DH ready. He went through some strong chemo treatments to get his body to as dormant of a stage as possible and the dates were set. C arrived in town yesterday and he'll begin his portion of the program tomorrow. DH has been in the hospital since Tuesday (day after Valentines Day) to begin his chemo treatments. They are hitting him hard with it to "stun" his body and reduce his immune system to accept the Stem Cell Transplant. On Wednesday and Thursday, the Stem Cell Transplant will take place. After that, its a wait, watch and pray. The first 30 days are extremely critical as we have to watch for any signs of rejection and graft vs host disease. He's in very capable hands and the staff are wonderful.

The hard part is he has to stay in Tampa for 3 months before he can come home. For those who met us...you have an idea of how hard that separation is. We're pretty attached to each other. I have to continue to work while he works on getting better. We talk on the phone and Friday nights and weekends will be spent with him. We didn't say anything before or during the reunion as we wanted to just be "us". Not a couple that are dealing with cancer and the pain in the butt that it can be. To DH's betterment, you'd never know that he's as sick as he is. Its his attitude (his quote, "meaner than cancer"), his personality and his outlook. He's come through this stronger than most people do. He refuses to give up. And so do I. We have a 60 year contract with each other and we intend to keep it.

As I keep telling him and myself...if you look at it, 12 weeks out of 60 years is not that much time. It just bites when you're in the midst of it. So my blogging may be a bit spotty, but I'm sure that you'll forgive me. It will probably be my occasional refuge as well. To my Bad Example Family...I do have a blog to family and friends with DH's updates and information. If you want the address, email me and I'll let you know how to find it. I don't want a link to it as I do want to keep DH as private as you can be on the internet. He knows about it, but...well, I'm sure you understand.

Okay, now that I've just written the new great American novel...I hope you all are still awake. I had said in other posts on some of my "customer service adventures" that I would explain more later. Here is my explanation.

So I'll end this long story with this, take the moments to do the following. End every phone call to family and friends with "I love you". Make sure that you begin and end your day kissing those close to you. Take the time to tell the dog, cat, gerbil, horse, whatever pet that you love them and they are wonderful. Let your friends and family know that you care and that even if you don't get to talk or see them as often as you'd like, that you love them and they are in your thoughts and your heart. It all adds up to a wonderful life.

So thank you, I love you and for my next post, I've got to find some jokes! lol I'll keep this at the top for a few days and then we'll move on with life and our new adventure. Lee Ann