Monday, October 10, 2011

Thanks Pam!

Thanks to Pam and her newest post Class Warfare, by the POTUS, I felt compelled to put my own "spin" on the article and it's "help wanted" ad that was posted to Craigslist. So without further adieu, here's my commentary, in italics and ( ).

"The Working Families Party (WFP) ( is New York’s most energetic (i.e. caffeinated), independent (we don't tell Mommy and Daddy how we're spending their money) and progressive political party (AND we get to wear long pants now too!). Formed in 1998 (yep, we're a whole 13 years old, still can't drink, but we're a tween dream!) by a grassroots coalition of community organizations (we used the thesaurus for this part), neighborhood activists (unemployed stoners), and labor unions (do I *really* need to say more here?!), we came together to build a society that works for all of us, (and by "us" we mean all of us who want the government to provide without putting anything know, like Mom and Dad do) not just Wall Street CEOs (they laughed us out of their office when we said we wanted $80K right out of college and without any experience or technical skills whatsoever, what the hell?!) and the well-connected (well Mummy and Daddy's friends have kids and we all go back to those darling prep school days). WFP is independent from corporate and government funding (mainly because we couldn't figure out how to get the grant paperwork filled out, too many questions and Buffy wasn't in the mood to type, she just got a killer mani-pedi, totally understoon!) and in-addition we are community based (we can get away with calling ourselves that since we're working out of Muffy's Daddy's golfcart garage); community funded (Mumsy and Daddums were happy to have us out of the house for a few hours) and equally uninfluenced by both major parties (we are influenced heavily by minor parties, the republicans and democrats are minors in the eyes of the people, right?). Our agenda focuses on economic and social justice (thanks to that civics class with the darling lawyer from ACLU), corporate accountability (Enron was bad!), job creation (we added James and Biff, so we're creating jobs on our own, woohoo!), environmental protection (because we all drank the green kool-aid and believe in Al Gore!), and investment in education (2+2 still equals 5 and we can show you why the teachers were wrong!) and healthcare (all those other foreign places like Canada provide top quality drugs very cheaply so we're for that too!).

For the past twelve years the WFP has been at the fore front of progressive politics (we could go back further, but Biff and Sissy just got the right to vote in the last couple years, so we added everyone together), leading the fight and helping to frame the debate (what fight? I thought the next match wasn't until our Vegas getaway! I did the debate team, I mean, I was on the debate team..wait that still didn't sound right). The WFP has a proud record of fighting for issues that matter (because Buffy, Biff and Sissy all agree it was important, like when you say a double shot machiato, it should have 3 shots and extra syrup!) and has been instrumental in implementing key pieces of legislation such as Raising New York’s Minimum Wage (we showed up when they were signing, so we get a win in that column!), Enacting Living Wage Laws (no idea what that meant, but it sounded good!), Creating Thousands of Jobs In the Green Economy (sure, they were shipped to India, but we created them!), Passing Healthcare Reforms on the Local Level (we couldn't get anyone else to take a meeting with us, even with Mummy & Daddy phoning), Fighting for Affordable Housing (I mean really, $3,000 a month for a 500 square foot broom closet for my shoes, just isn't fair!), Keeping Tuition Costs Low (that's what out of state students are for!), A Progressive Tax Code (no idea what this was, but Anthony said we needed it...he's a math wiz! I think he learned from his Uncle Bernie!), Reliable/Cost Effective Public Transit System (the smart cars are just adorable, impractical but adorable!), Public Financing Of Elections (paying someone to vote is totally acceptable!) and Corporate Accountability (Uncle Bernie said this was important, so we did it). In addition, we have an unapologetic stance on supporting and pushing good candidates to enact progressive legislation (if you're clueless, you don't have to apologize and can stand in cow patties and think it's the rose garden!)
The WFP is seeking immediate hires. (Again, we're building that employment underline!)
You must be an energetic communicator (you have to talk good), with a passion for social and economic justice (showering habits are optional). Only outgoing (because we don't have room in our foursome for you here), articulate (have to know some big words, dictionary optional), dedicated (unemployed), determined candidates (again, part of that whole politcal free wheeling thing we're trying) will be considered for the positions. (Kama sutra knowledge will score triple word score credits with Biff and Todd!)

For those candidates that qualify WFP offers substantial paid-training provided by senior leadership (Bill Clinton is our hero!), on varied issues such as: advocacy, public speaking, mobilizing, fundraising, networking and organizing (nuff said). We invest in passionate people with excellent communication skills (must look good on camera and not like the hippy ilk that are roaming the streets) and a full benefits package is offered to those candidates that qualify (do I really need to go there?!). In addition, there is opportunity for advancement and travel to our satellite chapters and out of state affiliates. (Woohoo, fire up the corporate jet! We each travel on one - it's the green thing to do!)

This is not a policy job! Through direct action you will be shaping NY state politics for the next 20 years. (We picked a number out of the air and this sounded better than saying 2.)

If you care about New York and want to help educate and mobilize around legislative campaigns-then we look forward to hearing from you! (And by you, we mean those who are independently wealthy, good looking and finishing school educated with a vacuous brain to be molded and do whatever we tell you you should do and feel good about it.)

Yeah...'nuff said.